I can't sleep. The horizons have opened and with them it becomes impossible to close my mind. A lot of good things are going on, a lot of friends, a lot of situations, a lot of learning, and most importantly a lot of strength. I'm much different than I was, much more bold and ready with college I think. There is so much in my mind though. I hate getting older sometimes. There is just so much information, so many god damn different views. I'm starting to realize that I have the capacity to understand all of them if I wanted to, but it allows me to get nothing done. It's impossible to believe in two sides of an argument, it's impossible to be committed to something if you are also strongly aware of it's opposer's faults and strengths. Which is most popular, what way to choose to believe, who should I make myself. As my mind matures taking a side becomes harder and harder. The backgrounds of both sides I'm aware of, people's emotions and their logic in solving problems I'm aware of. The many paths of life that lead one to a point can be strongly different sometimes, but humans, they all handle things in similar ways. They all cry, they all want comfort, they all would prefer love from their parents. They all seek approval from society, they all enjoy the idea of doing something great, and they all will eventually die no matter how healthy they live or how long they dedicate their hearts, souls, and minds towards a selfless goal.

The point of why we strive is extremely controversial in my mind. For the glory of god, for basic instinctual survival, to improve technology until the point where we are the immortal gods of legend, until every human is his own god; where does it end? If we are living only for the entrance to the pearly gates of heaven then why the hell does it matter how comfortable our lives are, or why the increase in technology is important. Why does it matter if we transplant a liver into a dying woman in hopes of extending her life, the quicker she dies, the sooner she'll receive her eternal reward, am I wrong? Just let the bitch go, if it's so. Let's say that the only reason we are where we are in history is because it's just instinct to procreate and occupy our time with hobbies. Like the wasp that lays it's eggs in the beetle so it's children may devour it from the inside out, like the man who tinkers with his tools and toys and imagines himself playing with a new toy that's bigger, stronger, and faster. But what he doesn't realize before he starts his construction is that any possession will become boring and average with time.

I don't know why I write this besides it's on my mind, I don't know why I seek love and comfort besides it's what my heart desires, and I don't know why I seek lifely explanation besides it's what my soul demands and it's needed before the rest of the pyramid of my being can operate at full power. I don't know why perfection is important when the concept is an enigma. I want to be agnostic, I want to say that there is no way for anyone to know anything about our origin and what happens when we die, that maybe upon death it'll be graciously revealed to us only then if we're lucky, that death itself will be another adventure, that meaning, TRUE MEANING, may be at the end of a dark tunnel that spirals forever into eternity, that the best we can do as humans is grip our tools, believe in ourselves, and jump bravely into that ever expanding horizon, to learn and do battle with what we can, hoping for that revelation that explains it all, our beginning and our end. This my friends is the point of our technology, to discover whatever secretes we can, it is the long jump to reveal the ultimate secrete of our existence, to answer our basic question "why," the one question that no other animal wonders.

I'm an 80's boy, matured during the turn of the century. I was sent down from a pivot point of existence to slick my hair back, talk witty, and wink at girls. My purpose is unknown, my knowledge seems irrelevant, my imagination is vast. I am Stu, a fireball sent from the heavens to stir the masses, to encourage challenge and individual thought. I enjoy sex in planes, gay parades, and prayer before eating; I've never had it, far from homosexual, and pray towards existence in general. My job is to contradict you and even contradict myself, my will is to walk against the wind and swim upstream, my birthright is Intuitive Crazy-bastard, lost souls and the emotionally injured look up to me. I am not my own god, but a servant to my own, and if you strike me down I'll become more powerful than you can ever imagine. I carry both fire and water within me, one used to set you afire, the other for when it's time to soothe you. I can be your most idealistic friend, complete with a self-engineered realistic interchanging multi-perception output display unit. I'm top of the line, but stay comfortably on the bottom so I can concentrate on helping those around me who really need it but won’t ask for it. Perhaps you've heard of me, I'm in movies. My big opening was on Youtube last week. I've decided to use art and writing to reach people in masses. I've decided to be something more than average, and off beat of normal. I've decided that I want to change you.

Stu Starwind, Stuie-chan, ChronicDejaVu, EverbareHonor, Enigmatic_Perception, ForeverLostInHell, DevilsOfTruth11, A_Lost-Boy, Aura, SMS; these are all the same person. Many names and many more we choose for ourselves and are given to us by others, to get lost within their meanings is an easy task as the stacks begin to increase, when time flows and simplicity is replaced with intricate. Who we are is a journey for all of us, and the only way we are going to get there is by challenging each other and boldly moving forward in our own paths. A common goal should be to breathe, work, and imagine as ourselves, also to protect and inspire each other when we can. With so many different thoughts, strifes, and ambitions it’s hard to walk a skillful path, and so my challenge is to make sense of what I feel, to help simplify it and concentrate it into a controllable force behind my will. So I think I’m capable of sleeping now, though I’m not sure. What I do know is that I’m having problems keeping my head up, but that almost means nothing because things seem to change when I’m actually in the bed. Goodnight, Neverland!